I thought it would be fun to rate the various rejection letters I’m bound to receive from my most recent submission jamboree. I first got the idea from The Brunching Shuttlecocks, a comedy website I read religiously when I was in high school. There are already a few that have come in.
Here’s one from Antioch University’s Lunch Ticket.
Lunch Ticket receives a number of excellent submissions each reading period, and while yours is one of them, it was not chosen for the upcoming issue. This is not a reflection on your work or on your worth as a writer. Our direction for the next issue of Lunch Ticket was simply different than the vision of your work.
Rejections are never easy—for you the writer, or for us, the editors. But as we both know, they are part of being a writer. We are sorry that we weren’t the right market for Cats & Birds, but we know that there is another market waiting for you, and to them, this piece is exactly perfect. We hope you know that this letter doesn’t mean “no forever”, and we hope you will submit to Lunch Ticket again.
Best of luck, and take good care,
The Editors of Lunch Ticket
That’s pretty nice, isn’t it? Let’s call it the soft letdown. The old shoulder rub. They make it appear as if rejecting your story hurts them too, almost as much as it does you.
Maybe it actually does hurt them, but I’m sure by the time this letter has been sent they’re already knee deep into the next story. I know from having submitted to them last fall that this is a form rejection, so that’s something to take into consideration for the final grade.