The Book of Isms: Part 5, Nos. 201-240

Wait—goddamn, there’s more?

So much more.

The original notebooks still exist. They’re in the top right drawer in a rolltop desk in the basement of my parent’s house. There were 5 of them. Top spiral memo pads, pocket-sized edition. I wrote on the front and back. On the front cover I put a strip of masking tape and wrote (what else?) The Book of Isms. Volumes I – V. My buddy Brandon has suggested I start a volume VI, some twelve years after the project finished. What do you think?

Missed the beginning? Or parts 2, 3, and 4?

• We’re the fun, the few, the proud.
• Let’s add Hoosierbag to the equation.
• Wasabi dah?
• “Life, wife, strife.” Remember that in 32 years.
• Is now a good later?
• Fuck your middle.
• Add David Bowie and Mick Fleetwood to the Rick James quotient.
• For some, hell is only 6 feet underground.
• Sexual posturing happens during the entire course of your life.
• Though I must say, it’s worst during high school.
• Coming soon to a theater near you: World War III, a Masonic Film Production
• “Less talk, more fuck.”
• Fun with numbers! Illuminati Conspiracy Theories.
• “Being drunk or high for 4 days.” Ah, so that’s what it’s like to be 60 bucks.
• Get this…on June 11, 1899, Pope Leo XIII dedicated the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE to the Sacred Heart of Jesus!
• In this currently modern time, exactly ‘what’ does “helping the teacher cleanup” entail?
• “Is there anything else you require?” -Worf
• And there will be a great confusion as to where we really are.
• That’s just the way it is, so live with it.
• Give me a million dollar piss.
• Why are mountains coming out of the sky and standing there? Why YES? Why?!
• Pay me money! My body is a temple. My temple is a whorehouse.
• “This joint is rolled so tight you can throw it against a wall.”
• This is an excuse. It’s called my life.
• Ohh hiyo (Ohio) What a name for a block of land, with some rocks, and water, and plenty of shit.
• Call me Nostradamus. Now pay me money.
• paymemoney.com
• Bukkake! Pay me money!
• Those crazy Asians take it on the face, then take it to the bank.
• We’re in a gigantic moneymaking cult C-U-L-T
• Listen to Paul McCartney’s music sometime..I have the subliminal message…”Hi! I’m Paul McCartney and I’m swimming in money! Isn’t that fabulous? Pay me money!”
• Morons like Matthew Lesko are being paid by morons like you
• Someone’s getting paid to sit there.
• You have nothing over me, except I pay you money.
• Women also suffer from PMMS. Pay Me Money Syndrome for the unfamiliar.
• Kiss me! I’m Romanian. Let me see your brown spot.
• Hang up the phone and suck my dick.
• I’ll admit I’ve watched Highlander, the show and the movie.
• 16 bucks for beer and pizza. You come blazed and leave housed.
• Kids growing up in the 80s know a lot about 2 things: Dope and Nintendo.

The Book of Isms: Part 4, Nos. 121-200

The look on Skeleton’s face says it all.

What was I thinking!? I’m glad some thirteen years have passed since I had the absence of mind to write this ceaseless drivel. It remains true that some are still funny or occasionally insightful. There might even be some prescience to a few ideas…but I kinda doubt it.

Want to start at the beginning?

• Though I haven’t personally experienced such a thing myself, I’ve heard watching too much TeeVee will give you butt rot.
• “Put it in your mouth.”
• I think it’s safe to say that in this modern age, just about everyone gets pissed off when the Internet goes down.
• While I’m at it, fuck Bill Gates
• I’d give cooking show host Rachel Ray a 30 minute meal
• A Patty Wong has sucked a dong.
• The Super Adventures of John McLane
• I would love to see someone vomit on a televangelist.
• Garf is just another word for one ugly bitch
• All former Enron execs should have bottles of champagne opened up their ass for punishment.
• Who wouldn’t pay money to see Gallagher crush Bill O’Reilly’s head with a sledgehammer?
• I have only two words for George Carlin: Rock On
• More people have probably died for religion than lived for it.
• Hugh Hefner gets my respect.